Breaking the Cycle of Child Sexual Abuse

Some of the reasons children do not tell when they have been sexually abused.

• In younger children: Often younger children do not have the words to express what has happened to them. Sometimes this is a matter of they do not have the words to name their own body parts. Other times, they may not have any words for the actions they have experienced.
• Younger children may not be aware that what they have experienced is wrong.
• Abusers may threaten the child or threaten people that the child loves. An abuser might say something like "if you tell anyone, I'll kill your little sister."
• Children may care about their abusers, especially since the majority of abusers are known to the child.
• Children may not wish to get their abusers in trouble or may not wish to upset their parents.
• A child may feel responsible for the abuse he or she has suffered for a number of different reasons. Abusers are almost always very manipulative people. They may convince a child that the child has participated willingly or they may have given the child special gifts, favors, or attention that the child feels guilty about having accepted.
• An abuser may have engaged in a process of gradual desentization or "grooming" in which a child's defenses are worn down. This can increase a child's sense of guilt about participation.
• Often when children do tell, they tell only part of the story to test an adult's reaction or to work up their courage to tell the whole story.
• The child may believe that no one will believe them.
• The child may be depressed as a result of the abuse.
• The child may have "learned helplessness" from the abuse.
• The child may be obeying the directions of the abuser, especially if the child has been taught to follow the directions of adults.
• The child may lack the maturity to know how to handle the situation.